Emotions From An Ex-Boyfriend Virgin

He said no.

I knew he'd say no, I regretted asking him as soon as I'd said it. But, of course, the fact that he had to think about it and make me wait a freaking week and a half for an answer got my hopes up. I'm not even sure if it's him that I miss or what we had when everything was going well or just a boyfriend in general. Everything's so messy inside my head. It is my first time being actually single in high school, so maybe that's what's got me so weird. And the fact that he was my first boyfriend. Of two and a half years.

Le sigh.

It's better that I don't have someone else to worry about on top of everything else that comes along to stress you out during junior year. I just miss my best friend.

Off To Do Some French Homework (And Probably Cry A Little, Too),

Suzi

So These Are Some Words.

And they're written way too late at night for them to be completely coherent, but I want them and need them to be written right now.

I need personality. I need opinions. I need knowledge. I need to think. I've been too damn lazy mentally lately (adverbs anyone?) and I need my brain back. Whether it was helping depressed friends or losing my grandmother or being single in high school for the first time that did it, I don't know, but I want it to stop.

I'm gonna start fangirling again (Benedict Cumberbatch, oh my GOD) and musicking more and drawing more and making my room my own again and reading books all the way through again and riding my bike again and climbing trees again and making badass birthday presents again and being myself again.

I've missed being myself. And I'm not entirely sure how I lost myself in the first place.

I told him I'd try again, if he wanted to. He hasn't talked to me in over a week. Well, fuck him. Single life is better now, even if I'm reminded of him every once in a while, and still cringe when I see couples. Being on my own now is probably healthier. I can hang out with my friends if I want to, even GUYS, god forbid. I can go to Thanks Thursdays and cuddle with whoever if I so please. I can take a friend to prom and we can dress up like rainbows and show up in a shitty car. I can spend all night watching Sherlock and skyping my best friend. I can watch shitty romantic comedies with my sister and eat too much candy.

WOORRRDDSSS. EMOOTIONNSS. FEEEELLLINGGSS.

I feel a bit better.

New college requirement: marching band. (I can't help myself)

Another one: studying abroad (Europeeuropeeuropeeurope)

I'm painting my toenails and feeding dogs tomorrow.

Sleep would be expected of me at this point, I guess. Knighty knight.