Should I try this again?

Might as well.

Hey y'all. Is blogging out of vogue now? I guess that means it's sufficiently obscure enough for me to resume posting. I must keep up hipster appearances after all.

Though, I may be lapsing into a punk style. All my rad eighties t-shirts and Japandroids posters and punk-band-memberships.

I really wanna go out, all the time. I feel like I'm too square (see the punkiness?), that by following the rules all the time and being the goody two shoes I am is ruining my chances to be a reckless teenager. I'd love to run out in the middle of the night to concerts or parties, or to spontaneously drive into the city or something. My conscience is too strong though, I've yet to overcome it. I'll just have to enjoy squaredom until I get my punk act together.

In other, less soul-searching news, I got an iPod classic for Christmas, as well as a pinhole camera kit, and half a serenade from my lovely (I'm getting the other half when he remembers the rest of the lyrics). I've also accumulated a huuge pile of giveaway clothes, which makes me feels better about getting presents. Hopefully I can get them to Goodwill this week.

Just to add that little bit of stress I always seem to talk about, I reaally need to practice for district band. I took a week off after auditions (after two months of practicing everyday at lunch and never seeing my friends) but I didn't realize just how soon the concert is. I'm hoping to learn all the snare parts during break, leaving the marimba and timpani parts for when I can get back in the band room. I just need better time management (another naggment on my mind).

Various Other Life Updates:
- I made fourth chair in district band (third in orchestra!)
- I'm top drummer in Panther Jazz Band
- I'm in a band with Teofertax and TGalaxy (which is way more fun than I thought it'd be)
- I've still got ma' boy
- I volunteer at the Delco SPCA
- I've been to Europe and back (six countries!)
- I've started a vinyl collection (some artists include: Yes, Sufjan Stevens, The Australian Jazz Quartet, Weather Report, Bon Iver, John Coltrane)
- I'm finally seriously reading The Lord of the Rings
- I'm taking AP Bio (if that wasn't already known) and it's sooo keewwlll
- I have a signed Japandroids poster that makes me so so happy (thank youu, Durgle)

But, I'm off to snack a little before bed. It's been real, all my invisible blog-followers. Hope to see you soon.

Suzi Q

Sim Sala Bim

He was so kind, such a gentleman tied to the oceanside, lighting a match on the suitcase’s latch in the fading night.

Helplessness Blues, anyone? Goodness gracious, what an amazing album. I didn’t think anything could live up to Fleet Foxes’ first album, but they completely proved me wrong.

In other music news, WE’RE SEEING CSS AND SLEIGH BELLS TONIGHT! Apparently there’s another opener as well before CSS, but I dunno who they are. I’m completely psyched, not only for Sleigh Bells but CSS as well. I listened to some of their music, and they’re really kewl. The only slightly terrifying bit is going to be the whole it’s-a-general-admission-concert-and-I’ve-never-been-to-one-before-and-I’m-afraid-of-being-squashed thing. But other than that, I’m exciiiiteeddd

Keep Your Head

Fourteen, intimidated, and she's just fourteen. She's getting pulled from the opposite side, until it breaks down. Blame it on the wrong crowd, stay, more make up, hair dye.

I need to learn how to do my hair in braids correctly. I just tried tonight, and it didn’t turn out all that well…

GOING ON – GNARLS BARKLEY = AMAZING SONG

Planning a hipster dance is quite fun. ‘Specially picking out music. And ironic decorations. And appropriately vintage clothes. And obscure French foods you’ve probably never heard of before. Any music suggestions? Preferably a band that I’ve never heard of before, please.

Is it bad that I like a Justin Timberlake song? The video’s bizarre/kewl (the second half is a little weird), and the song is great. Who knows what this’ll do to my hipster cred..

Yes, I know this post is bad, but it’s been sitting in my Windows Writer for a while, and I felt obligated to post SOMETHING. Expect a quality post soon, maybe.

Happy Tomorrow Isn’t A Three-Hour Delay,

Lemongirl

My Body is a Cage

That keeps me from dancing with the one I love, though my mind holds the key.

IT’S FRIDAY AND I FINISHED MY HISTORY PAPER AND I CAN SLEEP IN TOMORROW AND WATCH POKEMON AND RELAX (SOMEWHAT) AND I NEED THE WEEKENDD

Phew. Downside about this particular weekend? I start gym on Monday. Wonderful. Just what I need to do right before I go to physical therapy. Though I’m not sure how much longer I’m gonna have that; my doctor never said how long I was supposed to go for. Ah well, it’s actually nice hang out with other injured people.

Why is it that adults assume that teenagers are incapable of intelligent, “mature, adult” thinking? My history teacher, for example, won’t believe you if you come up with an idea that sounds “too intelligent” and will assume you’re lying. That infuriates me beyond belief. Who says that age equates to intelligence? Or that experience sprouts ideas? Epiphanies and ideas and theories and hypotheses are born of anyone’s mind, regardless of what age they are. Just because you, Mr. Lynch, are fifty, and my friend and I are teenagers does not mean that you have dibs on all the intelligence in the room. Remember, now, that you were the one who thought malaria had been eradicated by Bill Gates. Just saying.

Beddy bye time, my back aches.

Suzi Q

How It Ends

There is no escape from the slave catcher's songs. For all of the loved ones gone, forever's not so long.

Hello, y’all. I’m back from an exhausting two hours of physical therapy. I’m sore as hell, but I’ve made a new friend (Sarah, a knee-injuree) and I can feel my super-ripped, washboard abs coming in. I’m gonna be so ready for drumline next year.

I named all the food at dinner tonight en français in preparation for the quiz tomorrow. Woooo

I sometimes wish I that I could become an artist when I grow up. Creating art is something magical for me. I feel like I used to be able to draw fairly well (I once drew this sweet-awesome picture of a horse ((I still have it)) ) but now I’m only proficient at doodling. But I guess music could be considered an art form as well, though I don’t write my own songs. I only play others’ music. Maybe I’ll join a band again. Combust revival, anyone?

Better stop procrastinating and get to writing this history summary.

Au revoir,

Zoé

P.S. – Death By Blonde – DeVotchKa (I’m a sucker for instrumentals)

For the Widows in Paradise; For the Fatherless in Ypsilanti

I have called you preacher, I have called you son. If you have a father, or if you haven’t one. I’ll do anything for you, I’ll do anything for you. I did everything for you, I did everything for you.

If it’s even possible, I’ve fallen in love with Sufjan and his music all over again. While shuffling through his music, some older stuff that I hadn’t listened to in a while came up, and I realized just how beautiful his music is. *swoon*

In other news, I guess I’m back! I don’t know just how many people still remember this blog, so I’ll primarily be posting now (if I remember) to just get things off my chest or try and unscramble the mess that is my mind is right now.

Like how things go unappreciated. The whole tragedy in Japan as well as the turmoil in Libya has kicked off this thought in my brain recently. We (those in developed nations) have it so easy. The majority of, at least America’s, population has a job, a home, three meals a day. Even the worst case of poverty still allows for those people to survive, even on the streets. In Japan, after this ravaging earthquake, people have died, are dying, and those trying to survive have no access to food, water, electricity, or even shelter in some cases. Libyans are dealing with bloody battles every other day, as well as international interference in their country’s goings-ons because of their corrupt government; they don’t know if they’ll be shot dead that day or the next. But us? Us middle-class teenagers of suburban Philadelphia? Our biggest complaint is too much homework, or too little sleep. How is our suffering at all comparable to those around us?

And I’m not saying that there isn’t suffering here. I know there is. I’ve dealt with a friend whose family to going to shambles, another who might be shipped away to boarding school or a mental hospital. Suffering is universal, as is pain. Maybe I’m the only one who’s been spared the pains of the real world, seeing as I’ve had, in comparison, a ridiculously easy life. And yet I find reasons to be depressed. Who do I think I am, to feel sorry for myself? My back aches, I have too much homework, I’m so tired because I only get five hours of sleep each night, my best friend won’t tell me things anymore, I doubt my boyfriend’s love, I procrastinate too much, I’m bored, whine whine whine. To hear about such devastations happening around the world, and to even my friends around me, and then to bemoan my own life? It’s not right.

And yet I can’t stop myself. My view of the world is narrow, and it’s limited. I’ve never been to Libya, or Japan; I’ve never had parents separate; I’ve never committed self-injury; I’ve never been starving, or poor, or oppressed, or beaten, or restricted. The most groundbreaking change in my life? Moving twenty minutes away from my house in Drexel Hill. That’s it. I’ve lead a (comparably) uneventful, safe, delightful little life so far. And yet I still complain.

And maybe it’s human nature to blame, not me. Maybe it’s not my fault that I can’t empathize the suffering of others. It’s human nature to care about oneself first, then others, right? But it’s also in human nature to help others. Which is what I’ve tried to do. When that friend was cutting herself at a party? I was willing to help, with the support of my rock, my best friend. When that friend said her mom hurt her? I was there to consol her. When my friends need to talk, I try to be there for them, I try to be someone they can lean on, can pour their feelings out to so they can feel better. I want to be someone who can try to assuage some of this global suffering, if even on a small level.

And I’m not trying to place myself on some morally pure, charitable, selfless pedestal. I’m not a perfect person, and I never will be. But I try to do my best to help the people I care about.

But where I get stuck is when these feelings start to become my own. Dealing with a depressed schizophrenic wears on you after a while, hearing the same mantra of “I hate myself,” “my life is horrible,” “I don’t know if anyone likes me.” It enters your mind and manifests itself there, poisoning the sound mind you thought you had. You begin to doubt people’s intentions, you doubt whether they like you or not, if they really want you there or not. You begin to notice more flaws in yourself than you did before, and hate yourself for them.

And I’m not blaming my friend. She’s my best friend in the whole world, and I’ll be there for her ‘til the world ends, no matter what happens. I love her like she’s my own sister. I don’t want anything to be her fault; she’s hurt enough. I’m just realizing where these thoughts have come from, and trying to figure out why they won’t go away.

So, to be grateful is my New Year’s Resolution, if a tad late. What I have is a wonderful life, that I’m not truly appreciating. And if I don’t soon, it’ll be ruined by my own bad attitude.

I hope you enjoyed my pensive post, I’ll be back soon for some more.

Lemongirl