YOU'RE IN THE FRIEND ZONE, AND FOR A REASON.

IT'S BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU THAT WAY.

I said yes to going to prom with you AS A FRIEND. I lend you my books AS A FRIEND. You can't take a now three year friendship and do this to it. You know I just got out of my first relationship, that lasted for almost three years, and now you're doing this?

JUST. I MEAN. BOYS.

In other news, I maybe possibly hopefully will not paint myself blue and play the drumbone at the upcoming Battle of the Bands. So there's a reason to come out and see it. Just warning you: I have no idea what I'll look like in a bald cap.

I've also decided (or kinda sorta have thought about) joining Speech and Debate next year. I'd wanna perform slam poetry. Not write it, necessarily, I don't have that kind of writing ability. But the whole performing of them just seems so wonderful. I just need some to perform. Any suggestions? (Psh, I act like people read this thing.)

Off To Watch Poets On Youtube,

Suzi

Emotions From An Ex-Boyfriend Virgin

He said no.

I knew he'd say no, I regretted asking him as soon as I'd said it. But, of course, the fact that he had to think about it and make me wait a freaking week and a half for an answer got my hopes up. I'm not even sure if it's him that I miss or what we had when everything was going well or just a boyfriend in general. Everything's so messy inside my head. It is my first time being actually single in high school, so maybe that's what's got me so weird. And the fact that he was my first boyfriend. Of two and a half years.

Le sigh.

It's better that I don't have someone else to worry about on top of everything else that comes along to stress you out during junior year. I just miss my best friend.

Off To Do Some French Homework (And Probably Cry A Little, Too),

Suzi

So These Are Some Words.

And they're written way too late at night for them to be completely coherent, but I want them and need them to be written right now.

I need personality. I need opinions. I need knowledge. I need to think. I've been too damn lazy mentally lately (adverbs anyone?) and I need my brain back. Whether it was helping depressed friends or losing my grandmother or being single in high school for the first time that did it, I don't know, but I want it to stop.

I'm gonna start fangirling again (Benedict Cumberbatch, oh my GOD) and musicking more and drawing more and making my room my own again and reading books all the way through again and riding my bike again and climbing trees again and making badass birthday presents again and being myself again.

I've missed being myself. And I'm not entirely sure how I lost myself in the first place.

I told him I'd try again, if he wanted to. He hasn't talked to me in over a week. Well, fuck him. Single life is better now, even if I'm reminded of him every once in a while, and still cringe when I see couples. Being on my own now is probably healthier. I can hang out with my friends if I want to, even GUYS, god forbid. I can go to Thanks Thursdays and cuddle with whoever if I so please. I can take a friend to prom and we can dress up like rainbows and show up in a shitty car. I can spend all night watching Sherlock and skyping my best friend. I can watch shitty romantic comedies with my sister and eat too much candy.

WOORRRDDSSS. EMOOTIONNSS. FEEEELLLINGGSS.

I feel a bit better.

New college requirement: marching band. (I can't help myself)

Another one: studying abroad (Europeeuropeeuropeeurope)

I'm painting my toenails and feeding dogs tomorrow.

Sleep would be expected of me at this point, I guess. Knighty knight.

I'm Feeling Pensive and Sad Tonight.

Things I Dislike (Because I Really Ought Not to Hate Anything)
-when fantastic things end
-when people are sad
-when I can't un-sad them
-fatal illnesses and diseases
-when people needlessly fight
-drowning in work and busy things
-sleeping less than five hours
-neglecting to stretch
-not being able to please everyone

I epitomize the image of a frustrated, angsty teenager tonight, I believe. I've had a fantastic weekend, and yet I'm still fed up with things. I don't like being so sad after being so happy. "What goes up must come down" my ass.

I'd really like to sleep for a week.

Should I try this again?

Might as well.

Hey y'all. Is blogging out of vogue now? I guess that means it's sufficiently obscure enough for me to resume posting. I must keep up hipster appearances after all.

Though, I may be lapsing into a punk style. All my rad eighties t-shirts and Japandroids posters and punk-band-memberships.

I really wanna go out, all the time. I feel like I'm too square (see the punkiness?), that by following the rules all the time and being the goody two shoes I am is ruining my chances to be a reckless teenager. I'd love to run out in the middle of the night to concerts or parties, or to spontaneously drive into the city or something. My conscience is too strong though, I've yet to overcome it. I'll just have to enjoy squaredom until I get my punk act together.

In other, less soul-searching news, I got an iPod classic for Christmas, as well as a pinhole camera kit, and half a serenade from my lovely (I'm getting the other half when he remembers the rest of the lyrics). I've also accumulated a huuge pile of giveaway clothes, which makes me feels better about getting presents. Hopefully I can get them to Goodwill this week.

Just to add that little bit of stress I always seem to talk about, I reaally need to practice for district band. I took a week off after auditions (after two months of practicing everyday at lunch and never seeing my friends) but I didn't realize just how soon the concert is. I'm hoping to learn all the snare parts during break, leaving the marimba and timpani parts for when I can get back in the band room. I just need better time management (another naggment on my mind).

Various Other Life Updates:
- I made fourth chair in district band (third in orchestra!)
- I'm top drummer in Panther Jazz Band
- I'm in a band with Teofertax and TGalaxy (which is way more fun than I thought it'd be)
- I've still got ma' boy
- I volunteer at the Delco SPCA
- I've been to Europe and back (six countries!)
- I've started a vinyl collection (some artists include: Yes, Sufjan Stevens, The Australian Jazz Quartet, Weather Report, Bon Iver, John Coltrane)
- I'm finally seriously reading The Lord of the Rings
- I'm taking AP Bio (if that wasn't already known) and it's sooo keewwlll
- I have a signed Japandroids poster that makes me so so happy (thank youu, Durgle)

But, I'm off to snack a little before bed. It's been real, all my invisible blog-followers. Hope to see you soon.

Suzi Q

Sim Sala Bim

He was so kind, such a gentleman tied to the oceanside, lighting a match on the suitcase’s latch in the fading night.

Helplessness Blues, anyone? Goodness gracious, what an amazing album. I didn’t think anything could live up to Fleet Foxes’ first album, but they completely proved me wrong.

In other music news, WE’RE SEEING CSS AND SLEIGH BELLS TONIGHT! Apparently there’s another opener as well before CSS, but I dunno who they are. I’m completely psyched, not only for Sleigh Bells but CSS as well. I listened to some of their music, and they’re really kewl. The only slightly terrifying bit is going to be the whole it’s-a-general-admission-concert-and-I’ve-never-been-to-one-before-and-I’m-afraid-of-being-squashed thing. But other than that, I’m exciiiiteeddd

Keep Your Head

Fourteen, intimidated, and she's just fourteen. She's getting pulled from the opposite side, until it breaks down. Blame it on the wrong crowd, stay, more make up, hair dye.

I need to learn how to do my hair in braids correctly. I just tried tonight, and it didn’t turn out all that well…

GOING ON – GNARLS BARKLEY = AMAZING SONG

Planning a hipster dance is quite fun. ‘Specially picking out music. And ironic decorations. And appropriately vintage clothes. And obscure French foods you’ve probably never heard of before. Any music suggestions? Preferably a band that I’ve never heard of before, please.

Is it bad that I like a Justin Timberlake song? The video’s bizarre/kewl (the second half is a little weird), and the song is great. Who knows what this’ll do to my hipster cred..

Yes, I know this post is bad, but it’s been sitting in my Windows Writer for a while, and I felt obligated to post SOMETHING. Expect a quality post soon, maybe.

Happy Tomorrow Isn’t A Three-Hour Delay,

Lemongirl